We Were Never Meant to Be This Reachable

For most of us, we grew up with a rotary dial phone that hung on the wall in a central location in the house. Ours was in the kitchen/dining area where we were all typically located. No phone conversation was private, even when we connected a very long cord to the receiver so we could drag it into our room.

There was one rule with the phone that was non-negotiable. If it rang during dinner, everyone knew they better not jump up to answer it. It didn’t matter who it was or if someone was expecting a call. That was family time and controlled interruptions were not allowed. That was during the time that a phone was there for our convenience and not the convenience of the outside world.

It seems like everything has flip-flopped. We now live at the will of the phone, 24/7 and most of us have adapted to it as if it’s normal. With the creation of cell phones, it’s no longer a device. For many it’s now become a companion, and we’ve stopped being fully present with each other. The next time you’re in a restaurant, look around. You’ll also see older couples, both on their phones. Did they really run out of anything left to say to each other? I don’t think so. They’ve lived a life together with so many adventures, heartaches and fond memories they can relive in conversation. I have a friend that over the years I’ve noticed I rarely have a conversation when we are physically together, without the phone being in the middle of it. She justifies having the phone in front of her constantly in the event her grandchildren need her. She loves her grandchildren and she’s an awesome grandmother, but somewhere along the way the phone stopped being just a tool and became a constant presence.

We see that technology is now the background rhythm of life and the interruptions are no longer occasional. It has quietly and slowly fragmented human presence so that few conversations are fully finished and people are physically there but mentally somewhere else.

Quiet moments were once a blessing and a time of reflection. Now phones fill every second with noise. Stress levels increase dramatically when we never disconnect. It’s now possible to spend the second half of life increasingly connected digitally while becoming less connected relationally. Constant contact does not equal meaningful connection.

I was reading a newsletter and the writer talked about changing our phones to grayscale mode. With a few clicks, you can temporarily remove all the bright colors, and you’ll immediately realize how aggressively the software developers have engineered these devices to constantly grab your attention. It’s surprisingly intoxicating. Change it to grayscale and you’ll immediately notice the difference. I tried it and was shocked at how I am drawn to the device in color but as soon as the colors disappear, it’s more like reading a newspaper. Give it a try.

With Freedom to Thrive, we understand that technology itself is not the enemy. In many ways, it’s improved our lives and helped us stay connected with people we love. But somewhere along the way, many of us stopped noticing how often our attention is pulled away from the people sitting directly in front of us.

Maybe the goal isn’t to reject technology, but to become more intentional with it. To remember what uninterrupted conversations feel like. To sit through quiet moments again. To look up more often.

Because a person can grow old with their phone in their hand and look up one day to realize there’s no one left to talk to.

— Jamie Harrington
Freedom to Thrive
Curious explorer of living well in the second half of life.